It’s been a while. I hope this post finds you well. Can you believe the first quarter of the year is finito?
The reason for my absence in blogging is that I certainly don’t feel as if I have had a great start to the year. Perhaps with all the highs of 2017 (my wedding and several other weddings, starting my blog and travelling well) it was inevitable.
I mentioned to my aunt the other day that i think I may well be having a quarter life crisis. Since I started promoting this post,i’ve been told by several people that ive passed the quarter mark in life. Third life crisis just doesn’t have the same ring! In any case the point is as I approach the awkward and unsexy age of 33, I find myself lost and panicky about several areas of my life.
First off is my career. Having recently run into some difficulty and issues at work, I have had to take a step back and really think about what I want to do with my career. One thing I decided a long time ago is that i am no longer interested in my sector. Having done it for 10 years this is an alarming thought! What do i do now? Luckily for me I have taken steps over the last couple years to gain a set of more generic skills which should allow me to jump from my current sector. I am however facing a large pay slash if i start in a more entry level role in order to work my back up.This has left me extremely conflicted. Success for me has always been linked to how much money i am making. I am sure i am not the only one who thinks this way seeing as this is how society conditions us to feel.What’s more with everyone appearing to be “living their best life” on social media, the pressure to keep up with the Jones’ is more ryfe than ever before. So of course I am feeling incredibly conflicted. I can’t spend the rest of my life doing something that i no longer enjoy but this doesn’t mean that i am not suitably miffed at the prospect of having to bring home less bacon which will result in an adjustment to the lifestyle I have become accustomed to. This unsurprisingly is causing me a great deal of stress. Having discussed this with my cousin just yesterday she said to me that “sometimes you have to change lanes to get back on the right track”. I think she is absolutely right and i’m just going to have to walk by faith on this one.
With all this time I’ve spent thinking about my career, I have also come to the conclusion like many of you, I’m sure that i have no desire to work 9-5 for the next 40 years or so only to stop in time to struggle along for the back end of my life on my pension. It’s definitely time I started “adulting” with my finances. I have been doing a great deal of research on investments, budgeting and side hustles, all of which can help us to secure long term wealth. The amount of information and resource on this this out there is actually astounding.This of course is a whole other topic so perhaps i can share with you my findings at a later date.
Another area of life I am most certainly struggling with is settling down and being a proper grown up. Having recently got married, I am of course now expected by many to produce offspring. Having been told for many years that ” I dont want to leave it too long” I can literally hear the clock ticking constantly in my ear. Also rather unhelpfully i’ve watched a couple of programmes recently which touched on the rapid decline in the number of eggs we produce in our 30s. YIKES! I really do want to have children of my own, I always have. The thought of having children when my career is not where it’s meant to be however is quite frankly terrifying as we all know 9 times out of 10 having children slows down our career progression. FACTS. Plus I’m now facing the prospect of possibly starting a new job and not qualifying for maternity pay if i don’t wait out the entitlement period. More stress. In addition to all this, as much as I do dream of being a mum one day, I’m still not feeling completely ready to hang up my party shoes. I see many of my friends slowing down and getting into family life while I’m trying to run as far away from the cosy slippers, early nights and bed time stories as i can. More conflict and more stress!
Finally and perhaps more trivally what an earth do I wear at the age of 33? I genuinely feel this is an awkward phase of life fashion wise. With many of the shops i habitually purchase my clothes from being aimed at “20 somethings” I’m left wondering where should I be shopping at 30 something. Add in my 5ft10 frame, I am facing yet more turmoil although arguably not as serious as the aforementioned topics.
Anyway that’s where i am at folks. Although i have written this in a comical tone, i am not feeling so great at the moment. The walls literally feel as if they are closing in around me. I’m sure some of you can relate to at least one of the pointers I’ve raised. Life is certainly very testing. I wish i knew as a kid that things would get waaaay harder, the more that time goes on. Probably wouldn’t have been in any hurry to grow up. One thing I have learnt however is that pain and discomfort is always temporary. With that being said, I will leave you with a quote which i pinched from my godbrother’s Instagram story which really resonated with me:
My jeans are from New look and are now on sale. You can get them here
All pictures taken by my favourite creative Leeanne Simpson. You can check her out here here
As always thanks for reading and it’s always great to hear your thoughts. See you next time